![]() The day after Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home, he wanted her to get some rest.Ĭhuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in.Ĭhuck Norris knows exactly what to do with the drunken sailors early in the morning.Ĭhuck Norris played a game of rock, paper scissors against his reflection, and won. The bomb squad cut the wrong cord.Ĭhuck Norris makes a lot of money selling his urine, it is called Red Bull.Ĭhuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door. Whenever Chuck Norris peels onions, the onions always cry.Ĭhuck Norris can pull a wheelie when riding a unicycle.Ĭhuck Norris was born with two umbilical cords, one red and one blue. Whenever Chuck Norris leaves a room the Foo Fighters' "My Hero" starts to play out of nowhere. The laws of physics always bend the rules for Chuck Norris.Ĭhuck Norris didn't get a Covid-19 vaccine.Ĭhuck Norris eats his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns and dragons.Ĭhuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. 7 of those minutes are for the intros and credits.Ĭhuck Norris never needs to flush the toilet. If he did, it would be only 8 minutes long. ![]() George Lucas couldn't cast Chuck Norris as Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars trilogy. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents. I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.Ĭhuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did. More Bruce Lee Jokes here.Ĭhuck Norris doesn't pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.Ĭhuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with superman. He had three missed calls from chuck norrisįreddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.Ī rainbow happens every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.īecause Bruce Lee lets him live. When alexander graham bell first invented the telephone If you put your ear next to Chuck Norris' boot you hear the opening riff to Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane" If you put your ear next to a seashell you hear the ocean. The procedure resulted in the doctor being knocked unconscious by Chuck Norris. There are no streets named after Chuck Norris because no one would ever cross Chuck NorrisĬhuck Norris's mother tried to have an abortion. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.Ĭhuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. ![]() ![]() ever.Ĭhuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. Why?īecause the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise. When Chuck Norris was a baby he farted for the first time, that is when the big bang first happened.Ĭovid-19 had to go into quarantine for a month.Ĭhuck Norris is able to build a snowman out of water.Ĭhuck Norris didn't call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.Ĭhuck Norris didn't cheat death, he won fairly and squarely.Ĭhuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. When Chuck Norris lifts dumbbells, they get smarter.Ĭhuck Norris has no chin, under his beard is just another fist with an equally powerful beard.Ĭhuck Norris picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade.Ĭhuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.Ĭhuck Norris can make sticks by rubbing two fires together. Then God said "Let there be light", and Chuck Norris said "Say please!"Ĭhuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the crap out of it.Ĭhuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute didn't open. Chuck Norris does in fact use a stunt double, but only for crying scenes.
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